


Below The Surface

by chimeras



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Deaf Clint Barton, FTM, Gen, Trans Peter, Trans Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 21:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15916275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimeras/pseuds/chimeras
Summary: peter parker is your average teenage boy. well, besides the fact that he's transgender and only his closest friends and family know. and if keeping that secret wasn't hard enough, he's also hiding the fact that he's new york's web-slinging superhero.when he's asked to move in with the avengers, he has no idea how difficult it really is to keep everything he's hiding below the surface.





	1. Chapter 1

"the avengers want me?" i asked in shock. aunt may looked at me with a smile and wide eyes. tony was sitting next to her, also smiling at me.

"yes. you'll see may for a couple hours after school and then stay with us at night and on the weekends. if she wants to workout days to spend with you on the weekends i'd be happy to arrange that whenever she pleases." tony said smiling.

"may, you're ok with this? i don't wanna leave you alone." i said to her, which was me trying to say 'i don't know how to survive without you this is a horrible idea'.

"peter, i think this is good for you! you need some time away from me to learn how to deal with everything by yourself." she said, insisting i go and take the offer.

"ok, i'll go." i said.

"perfect! i already have a room ready for you, just pack some clothes to keep there and i'll be waiting outside." tony said, standing up and walking around to me.

"wait, im coming now?"

"yup. don't take long, kid."

"o-ok mr.stark." i said. he left and it was just me and may.

i walked to my room and may followed.

"i can't do this. what if they figure out im, you know, not what they think? i've never even put in my testosterone without you."

she sat down on my small twin sized bed and i sat next to her.

"peter. you'll be fine without me. besides, you need to learn how to do all this stuff without me." she said.

"i guess you're right. i should get to packing, mr.stark can be a little impatient." i said. may smiled and rubbed my shoulder before exiting the room

i shoved some clothes into a duffel bag along with my other binder and my testosterone. i left my room and hugged may goodbye before going downstairs and getting in the car with mr.stark.

"ready kid?" he asked.

"ready as i'll ever be, i guess."

* * *

we got back to the facility and tony lead me to my room. in it there was a full sized bed, a dresser, and a desk with a computer on it. there were two doors in the room besides the one to get in and out.

"that leads to your bathroom," he said, pointing to one of the doors. he pointed to the other and said, "that one leads to your closet."

i have a walk in closet? this is more than i could expect. then again, i am staying with tony stark

there was also a full length mirror on the wall, which i kinda wish wasn't there.

"i'll let you get settled in. come downstairs when you're done, its game night." mr.stark said, leaving the room right after.

i unzipped my bag and put my clothes and such away. then i put my other binder under my bed to ensure no one would find it. i walked into the bathroom and put my syringe and testosterone in the cabinet behind the mirror over the sink.

after i put everything into the right place, i decided to get comfy. i took off my pants and put on some sweats. then i took off my shirt and put a bigger and baggier one on over my binder.

i didn't feel comfortable taking off my binder around them yet. they didn't know i was trans and if they figured it out because they saw a little extra stuff on my chest, i don't think i could ever overcome something as humiliating as that.

i left my room and walked around until i found where the others were sat around on a couch, two chairs, and crisscrossed on a carpet, surrounding a coffee table with two closed board games on it.

"oh, hey kid." tony said as i walked in. there was a small spot next to clint on the floor that i sat in.

"everybody, this is peter. aka, spiderman." he said.

"hi." i said awkwardly, putting my hand up as a small wave hello. why do people trust me is social situations?

"i saw what you did to that vulture guy, you're pretty good." bruce said.

"yeah, but how old are you? you look a little young to have done that." wanda asked. they all looked at me with sheer curiosity.

"i'm 16." i said, again, awkwardly. they looked surprised.

"thats some pretty intense stuff for a 16 year old." steve said.

"zip it, grandpa. new kid chooses the game." natasha said.

on the table lied two games: monopoly and clue.

"um... clue." i said, pointing to the game. vision leaned over and took monopoly off the table while clint set up clue.

i guess it wasn't too bad here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stuff you should know:  
> -strange is an avenger  
> -bucky is an avenger  
> -stucky is canon  
> -ironstrange is canon  
> -scott is an avenger but doesn't live with them  
> -hoco and civil war happened  
> -peter uses the hoco suit  
> -the accords were signed  
> -everyone doesn't hate each other after a lot of deep ass conversations about shit  
> -paying tribute to comics clint and making him deaf


	2. Chapter 2

i sat in the bathroom, syringe in my hand, my shorts rolled up on one side, trying to figure out how to do this without freaking out and dropping the syringe.

alright, aunt may said take a deep breathe and just pop it in.

i took a deep breathe and injected the testosterone into myself. i took the syringe out. that was better than i thought it was going to be.

"peter, can i come in?" i heard wanda say while she knocked on the door.

"uh, i need a second!" i shouted from the bathroom. i put the syringe and small bottle on the counter and ran out of the bathroom. i threw my t-shirt back on and rolled my pants back down before running and opening the door.

"yeah?" i said to her.

"what are you doing in there?" she said, trying to look over my head. i raised my feet to block her view of the bathroom door that i realize i stupidly left wide open.

"nothing. what is it?" i said trying to get her out as quick as possible.

"oh right, steve made breakfast. we all want you downstairs."

"isn't it kinda late for breakfast?" i said. it was already almost eleven.

"yeah, half of them don't really up until like twenty minutes ago." she said with a small smile.

"ok, i'll be there in a minute." i said. she nodded and smiled before leaving the doorway and walking off.

i shut the door and let put a huge breathe of air i didn't realize i had been holding in.

i looked at myself in the mirror and ran my hands through my hair to try and look presentable. i wiped my hands down my face.

what if she saw you? the door wasn't locked, she could've just walked right in and saw what you were doing. you need to be more careful, peter.

i walked out of the room and into the kitchen where everyone was sitting around eating what was on the table while steve stood by the stove flipping pancakes and bacon.

"hey kid, how was your first night?" natasha said while i went to sit down next to her.

"it was good." i said awkwardly. i think im so cool and then the second i have to speak im an eight year old again.

"damn, loosen up a little kid." tony said, biting a piece of bacon.

i gave him a small smile.

"training doesn't start for you until tomorrow, figured you could get used to the place first." he said, taking another bite of the bacon strip.

"so kid, how did you get here so young?" clint asked.

"i had a school trip and got bit by a radioactive spider while there. it enhances all my senses and i make all the web fluid myself." i said.

"damn. aren't you like sixteen?" he said.

"basically, yeah." i said awkwardly, again.

"impressive, i know." tony said.

i looked down and tried not to smile from ear to ear for longer than five seconds.

i ate some food before going back to my room.

tony wanted me to "get used to the place" and "explore the building" but i don't want to look somewhere i shouldn't. then there was a knock on my door. natasha opened it.

"hey kid." she said.

"hi." i said awkward and quiet. she smiled.

"jesus kid, you're shy." she said.

"well, no. just..." i started. i couldn't find the word.

"overwhelmed?" she said.

"yeah."

"don't worry, we're not that cool once you get to know us." she said. i smiled and let out a small breath.

"alright well, if you need anything, i'm right down the hall." she said, smiling before shutting the door and leaving.

* * *

it was a little later, me, bruce, and clint were sitting on the couch watching tv and eating popcorn.

"um, not to sound weird for asking, but why are the captions on?" i asked.

"clint's deaf." bruce said before taking another handful of popcorn.

"but... how were we talking this morning? how did he know what i was saying?" i asked, confused.

"he can read lips. if we're watching tv and the camera points away from the character, he obviously can't tell what their saying. so we keep captions on."

"oh. cool." i said back, ending the conversation before i sounded like more of an unaware idiot.

i looked at the cable box to check the time. 3:27 it read. i stood up and walked out of the room, not knowing what i was doing.

for the next hour, i walked around the facility looking at different rooms.

i walked passed a training room where wanda was practicing her powers with vision. another training room beside it where steve was punching the absolute shit out of a punching bag and bucky was holding it in place for him.

i kept walking and passed a lab where tony was tinkering with an iron man gadget and stephen was keeping him company. they were laughing and smiling.

i kept walking and passed natasha. she told me she was going to workout. i don't know if she can even get stronger, she's physically the strongest woman i've ever seen.

i went into my room and sat on my bed.

this place is actually starting to grow on me.


	3. Chapter 3

i sat up on the roof of the facility. it was dark out and there were a lot of stars tonight. i liked to stare at the sky when i was anxious or sad or overwhelmed.

i was definitely anxious tonight. sometimes i just get overwhelmed keeping my secret. it feels wrong to keep such a big secret from such an important group of people in my life.

i mean, its not that big of a secret right? is not like im a drug dealer on the side or something. but i still felt wrong for keeping it from them.

i just don't want them to think im weird. its not my fault i was born in the wrong body.

"hey kid." i jumped at the voice next to me. it was steve rogers. how did he know i was up here?

"hi captain... how did you know i was here?" i said.

"cameras. you looked upset so i came to check on you. what's wrong?" he asked me.

could i tell him?

"you seem nervous, i'm not going to judge you or force you to tell me anything." he said again.

it felt wrong lying to captain america, a man partially known representing honesty.

"i've been keeping this secret, and not telling anyone has been getting to me." i said. his response was expected.

"if you don't mind me asking... what's the secret?" he said.

coming out was never easy. i still remember coming out to may and ben...

-  
i laid in my bed and cried. i needed to do something to calm myself and its better i release it by crying than hurting myself or something.

there was a knock at my bedroom door.

"hey penny, its us. whats wrong? can we come in?" may said. i sighed.

"yeah." i said, quiet but still loud enough for them to hear me.

may opened the door and came in, ben following behind her.

"hey, we just came to check on you." ben said.

"i'm fine." i said.

"you keep saying that but... penny, you never tell us anything anymore. you're always locking yourself away in your room. we're worried about you." ben answered. he always noticed if something was wrong.

"well don't." i said.

"penny, please. we just want honesty, we aren't going to judge you-" may started. i hastily flipped over.

"but you will! i know you will! even i'd judge me." i yelled, tears falling down my cheeks.

"you can tell us. i won't judge and i know you're uncle won't." may reassured.

"no don't understand, i barely understand." i said, my head falling back onto the pillow as tears silently fell down.

"understand what? we could never judge our most perfect niece." ben said. i quickly answered.

"but thats it! i'm not your niece, i'm not your goddamn niece." i said. i was getting tired of everything. the crying, the anger, the sadness.

"what are you talking about, of course you're our niece." may said.

"stop saying that! i'm not! i'm not your niece! stop saying that, please, just stop."

"if you're not our niece than who are you?" may asked.

"i'm...... i'm not your niece. i'm not your niece because i'm your nephew. i'm a boy. i'm transgender." i said. i felt the room grow as quiet as anything has ever been.

"penny... why didn't you tell us sooner? that's- that's great! i've always wanted a boy." ben said. he was grinning widely.

"what your uncle is trying to say is we love you, no matter what. boy or girl, niece or nephew. we love you peter." may said to me. i let out the biggest sigh of relief i had ever and will ever let out.

"really?" i said.

"really, penny- or... peter." ben said.

"peter? peter. i like that." i said.

"ok, well then, its settled. penny parker is gone and peter parker is here to stay." ben said.

"you know, peter, just because you're a boy doesn't mean we're stopping everything because of it. we're still having dance parties. i don't care if you have a penis or a vagina or whatever, we're keeping the dance parties." may said.

we all started laughing like it was the end of a cheesy movie. and it kind of was like that. but cheesy movies like that have happy ending, and thats exactly how this was happening.

-

"i... you can't tell anyone this." i said to steve.

"i can keep a secret, kid. what is it?" he asked.

"i'm, uh..." i took a deep breath and turned to him, looking directly into his eyes.

"i'm transgender."

he looked confused for a second.

"ok... what does that mean exactly?" he asked.

"um, it means i'm a boy, but i was born in a girls body. so i wear whats called a chest binder to flatten my boobs and i have to inject testosterone into myself every three weeks."

he stared at me for a couple seconds.

"thats... thats great peter! take a breath, kid. it took guts letting that out." he said. jesus, this dude is pretty cheesy.

i let out the breath i didn't know i was holding in. it was quiet for a bit.

"i remember coming out. i only ever told two people because back then no one knew what being bisexual meant, let alone even remotely accept it. but they did." he said.

"wait... what? you're bisexual?" i asked steve.

"yes i am. in fact i have a lovely boyfriend who goes by the name of bucky." he said. how didn't i know this?

"oh... that's cool mr.captain." i said to him. he laughed a bit.

"please kid, you can call me steve." he said.

"ok, steve." i said. "who's the other person you came out to back in your day?" i asked. i realized this was a dumb question, and i knew who it was.

"it was peggy, peggy carter. she was my greatest love, besides bucky of course. she was the second and last person i trusted with my secret. she accepted me, said judging me based off of who i love would be like judging her for being a woman in the army. she also said that loving both men and women meant i could still love her. and i did, my god how i did." he said.

he was smiling, but i could see the pain behind his eyes.

"you miss her, huh?" i said.

"yeah... you wouldn't understand kid." he said to me.

"i do. understand." i said. "my uncle died a little while ago. i loved him a lot. he accepted me the most, along with may of course. he was the greatest. but then he was shot."

it was silent for a moment.

"peter, i'm so sorry." steve said.

"it was a while ago, i'm ok. i'm sorry about peggy. i wish i could've met her, she sounds like the coolest woman on earth." i said.

"she would've loved you, kid."

we looked at the sky for a minute or two before steve stood up, saying he should be heading back inside and i should be too.

"mr.- i mean steve, please don't tell anyone my secret." i asked him. he smiled at me.

"its not my secret to tell. you can tell everyone when you feel the most comfortable doing so." he said to me, before going back into the facility.

i stayed up on the roof, probably for another half hour at least. when i started to drift off to sleep, i decided to go back to my room and take care of myself before crashing.

it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. someone knew, and he didn't even judge me. that's all i could ask for, really.

no judgement is something everyone could use.


	4. Chapter 4

i put my earbuds in my ears and hit play. panic! at the disco is now blasting into my ears. sometimes there's dull days where spider-man's abilities aren't needed every minute. so i sit on top of a building, eating a sandwich and listening to music.

sometimes, most times, when i'm bored i like to think about what life would be like if the biggest things in my life never happened.

what if i was cis? life would be easier.

what if i was never bit by that spider? life would be easier.

but maybe i don't want easy.

i mean, i want to be cis. why the fuck would i not want to be cis? but spider-man can be a real handful sometimes.

like, a normal kid my age sits around and plays video games, watches movies, goes out with friends, and other shit like that. and yeah, i do that. sometimes, but juggling a normal school life and life as an avenger is not easy.

how am i supposed to do normal teenager stuff and also save the city from maniacs?

but i also think about... with my powers, if i just sat around a didn't use then for any good, it would be like a bird walking instead of flying. i have the potential to do something good, but i just ignore it? that would be stupid.

at this point, who even knows what imm talking about anymore. not me. these little chats with myself are confusing me too.

i shoot out a web at the building across from the one i'm sitting on and glide in the air.

and then i get home.

and you're probably thinking "which home?", as if i had more than one. yeah, i live with the avengers, but my home is in queens with aunt may.

she's been with me through everything. she'll always be my home.

i stand in an alley behind a dumpster and quickly change out of my spidey-suit and back into regular clothes before walking into the apartment building and taking the elevator up to the right floor.

i unlock the door and walk in. aunt may's sitting on the couch watching tv. she looks so alone, sitting there by herself. it makes the guilt of leaving her sink in.

after uncle ben died, even when i was still there, i could see the loneliness in her eyes. she was never the same after that night.

i still remember the way she looked at me the night of the funeral happened...

* * *

"aunt may?" i said as i walked into her bedroom.

she laid on her bed, clutching a pillow in her arms. it was ben's pillow she was hugging.

she hadn't taken off her dress from the funeral yet. i wondered if she could ever bring herself to do it.

i heard her sniffle before she turned to me, wiping her eyes.

"yeah?" she said.

"i, um... i just wanted to check up on you." i said, walking further into the room.

"oh, i'm ok." she said. she wasn't even trying to hide it anymore. a tear fell down her cheek. she quickly wiped it away.

"you keep saying that but... i know you aren't. i mean, come on, you're sitting here wiping tears while they still fall and you expect me to believe you're fine?" i said to her. she looked down.

"i just... i don't know how to do anything without him." she said. i know she saw the confused face i had on when she let out an empty sigh and smiled.

"he was my person. he was the person. he kelt me going in life. peter, if i had to take care of you all on my own, hell, i couldn't have. i would've told your parents to find someone else. but ben... ben was so warm around everyone. he's been my other half since before you were even born. its like, its like one of my lungs died. he was my source of air, peter. he was half the heart pumping blood in my chest. and i can't do it without him. i can't survive with out him peter."

"aunt may... you can. i know you can. you can do anything-"

"i can't! i can't, i just fucking can't! i can't breathe without him! he was my life! i can't exist without him! i can't penny, i just fucking can't!" she yelled.

penny.

she hasn't said that in years.

i turned around to started walking out, but then catch myself.

she just lost her other half. if i left her, that would be the most selfish thing i could ever do in my whole life.

"peter, please i didn't mean it. i-" she started. but she was too late.

i had already spun back around to run and hug her. i hugged her as tight as i could.

"it's ok. it's ok." i said to her. she started crying again.

not regular crying, she started to sob.

"please don't leave me peter. please don't leave me, ever." she said.

"i would never." i said to her.

we stayed like that for a while.

* * *

"hey." i said as i shut the door.

she must've not heard the door open as she gasped loudly and put her hand on her chest.

"peter! you're not supposed to be here!" she said, a smile growing wide as she got up and ran to hug me.

"i know but i figured i'd come see you while i had nothing happening." i said, hugging her back.

we sat down on the couch together and she lowered the tv.

"i hope i wasn't interrupting anything good." i said.

"oh yeah, i'm gonna have to ask you to leave while i watch big brother reruns on tv. it's pretty important and interrupting is really messing up my life right now." she said sarcastically. we laughed together.

i missed this. i missed sarcastic may, i missed sitting on our ratty old couch with her and doing basic people things. hell, i missed big brother reruns with her.

sometimes, the little things are what keep most of us alive and happy.

and the little things are exactly what i need right now.


End file.
